Adhesive Ducks
by uhnonniemiss
Summary: Oneshot. Dan slips in the shower during an intimate moment, and fluff ensues. Contains strong language and suggestive themes/ very mild smut at the beginning, but mostly fluffiness :) Phan obviously. Free lobster marriage for all reviewers xxx


Clouds of steam filled the room, the shower door turning opaque with perspiration. Soft, panting moans rose on the heat and into the air, staining it dark hues of red and gold, before falling back to earth to be echoed on half-open lips.

Phil tangled his hands in Dan's hair, deepening the kiss, craving and addicted to the taste of the other- not quite cinnamon, not quite chocolate, but a taste that was dark and spicy and distinct and Dan's alone. He died his hundredth little death as fingernails dug into his hips, just hard enough to get his attention, and the two moved even closer together, until they became a unified being, a flickering candle flame.

"Fuck, Phil," Dan sighed around the kiss, the word somehow tasting of that spice. "I want-"

He didn't have the breath to finish the sentence, but there was no need, Phil had already moaned in agreement. His hand reached out blindly behind him to turn off the shower, but Dan caught it. "Not the bed. Here. Now."

Phil wasn't exactly going to argue. He followed Dan as he backed against the wall, planting light kisses along his collarbone, water rushing over them in bright streams and almost forcing their eyelashes shut. He felt every bit of tension drain from Dan's body as they melted into each other, muscles relaxing with something very close to bliss.

Phil couldn't be sure how it happened, exactly, their heartbeats were too loud and the air too clouded, despite the events unfolding in perfect, cinematic slow motion. He felt Dan lean back against the wall, trying to stand on his toes a little to get more height. The younger man moved his foot backwards, bracing his heel against the white porcelain, but suddenly he wasn't there anymore- cold tiles faced Phil instead of warm eyes, and he looked down just in time to see Dan's skull glance off the hard edge of the shower. He lay in a heap at the bottom of the cubicle, eyes closed.

He didn't move.

Phil swore loudly, fumbling with the controls to turn the water faucet off. "Oh god, Dan, are you okay?" he crouched down, dripping wet, the steam still rising around him. The moisture made his lungs catch, his mind racing to the worse possible conclusions. "Dan, oh my god, please be okay, open your eyes, please, please be alright." He shook his boyfriend gently, biting his lip, eyes wide with worry. "Don't do this to me, you piece of shit."

Dan made a tiny noise of apprehension, and Phil sighed in relief as his eyes opened blearily. "What… what happened?" Dan asked, confused.

Phil laughed, second-hand survival euphoria making him lightheaded. "You scared the life out of me, that's what's happened!" he kissed Dan's forehead gently. "How many times have I told you not to slip when we're making out in the shower?"

Dan groaned, rubbing the back of his head. "Pretty sure you've never told me that."

"I didn't think I had t- whoa there," he caught Dan as he lost his balance again. "Careful. Let me look at that thick head of yours." He helped Dan out of the cubicle and onto the floor, wrapping a white towel round his boyfriend's shoulders and another round his own waist before heading towards the medicine cabinet. There wasn't much- basically just some paracetamol and a plaster- but he had to work with what they had.

He turned back round, seeing Dan with his head in his hands. As he knelt back down beside him, he noticed what was covering Dan's lap.

"Dan, did you cover up your crotch with our flannel?" Dan made a very small noise that seemed like an affirmative, and Phil snorted, clapping a hand over his mouth. "Oh god, Dan, I use that on my _face_."

"We can burn it afterwards," Dan whispered, a smile playing on his lips. "Could you speak a little quieter, please?"

Phil rubbed his shoulder. "Are you dizzy? Do you feel nauseous, do you have a headache?"

Dan tried to nod, then regretted it almost immediately. "Yes. Yes to all."

Phil sniffed the air. "Hmm. My doctor senses are telling me you have a concussion."

"Astonishing. Frankly, I'm shocked. What would I do without your medical insight?" Phil smiled. Even when he'd almost suffered a serious brain injury, some things never changed.

"Shut up. I'm going to get you some ice." he nudged Dan playfully with his foot as he stood up. "No, I'm not going to humanely euthanize you. You can have some ice. Well, it might be peas," Phil added. He passed down two pills and a beaker of water from the sink. "Take these, it'll help."

Dan made a face. "Ugh, pills. I hate pills."

"You shouldn't have slipped in the shower then, should you?"

"It's not my fault we have a health hazard! We need a bathmat or something." He whined, swallowing the painkillers quickly. He looked up at Phil, giving the best crooked smile he could muster. "Hurry back?"

"Always."

* * *

"Don't go to sleep, Dan," Phil kissed his boyfriend's nose, making the brown-hared boy blink drowsily, and pressed a pack of frozen peas to the back of his head. "Are you still feeling dizzy?"

"No, I'm okay." Dan leaned into Phil's shoulder, grateful for the comfort. "Still have the headache though. Distract me?"

Phil laughed, playfully pushing Dan away before hugging him even tighter. "Our little distraction didn't go so well last time, so maybe not."

"Mmm, true." He sighed, looking up at Phil. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For this. For being the best boyfriend ever. For keeping me around even when I slip in the shower and make a fool of myself. I love you."

"I love you too, you spoon," Phil smiled so wide he thought he might break. "I love you too."

* * *

The next morning (mid afternoon to some), Dan rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, stepping into the shower a little more carefully than usual- the dull ache in the back of his skull served as humanity's grim reminder. He expected to feel smooth porcelain under his feet, but instead parts of the floor had a rubbery texture, not quite flush with the white. He glanced down and saw ten, no twenty, plastic duck stickers, the cartoon birds all wearing purple boots and sporting umbrellas. He ran his toes over the closest one- his foot didn't slide over it as he expected.

There was an amused snort from behind him, and he saw Phil leaning in the doorway, a smug expression on his face. "They ran out of bathmats. I had to improvise."

"I see," Dan gave him a coy smile. "Well, since I can't slip anymore…"

"Are you suggesting we try round 2?" Phil liked this suggestion very much to be honest, but he held back- something which is surprisingly difficult when your hot naked boyfriend is asking for shower sex. "Dan, you've just got out of a concussion, you're still in pain-"

Dan took Phil's hands, guiding them to his hips. "Then," he whispered, his mouth an inch away from Phil's. "Distract me."

**Hello friends :D wow I am incapable of updating at a human time- or regularly. Sorry about that. Hope you enjoyed this entirely non-festive fic xxx This is also my first vaguely smutty thing please don't shoot me.**

**As always, I greatly appreciate your reviews, so kindly leave me a comment! Also, my last phanfic, "The Swing at the End of the World", didn't get so many reviews, so I'd hella appreciate it if you read that too xxx**

**HAPPY HOLIDAYS YO :)**


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